5 miles to freedom!

Can a month possibly be longer than a year? Logically no, a year is 365 days and a month is 30, 31 or 28. I could break it down to hours and minutes and seconds but I'm lazy and I really don't want to know. You guys can but feel free to keep it to yourselves. But time is a moving thing and as with all motion velocity has to be relative to something, and I guess that relativity is me.

Time is something I don't think about until I have a goal. Three years ago as I was getting out of basic they were telling me that Id be deployed within 3 months. I thought "Cool, I have a bunch of new skills lets put em to work, see how they hold up." a Year and a half passes and I link up once again with my oldest friend and fall back into love, putting a whole new perspective in my now upside down life. That was about the time we'd gotten our orders for Iraq. "Within the year we will be in Iraq men, prepare." Suddenly I wasn't too keen on the idea.

I found myself diving out of my work clothes to do everything I could with my Myna. She was mine and I wanted to make sure her roots were firmly planted in mina-soil afore I left off to the world unknown. A year just didn't seem long enough for any of the things I wanted for her and myself. The physical distance between us was a hamper that would stop all the the determined mina from getting at their mynas and Id be damned if I wasn't a determined mina. We flew her up and I made sure to send her back wanting more. Shes a slippery critter but when I apply myself I find theres very little I cant accomplish. All the while the time was ticking away and I could almost see her mina tanks emptying themselves of the mina-love all over the floor of her Colorado Springs house. Thats a very terrifying feeling to have when you are in that position.

I decided I was going to fill the tanks to the brim right before I stepped onto the bird. We did everything she'd ben telling me shed been wanting to do up to that point. We hit the movies, went to the glass museum, Hit up the Japanese gardens and did a whole bunch of other stuff including one very disappointing trip to the Seattle Aquarium.

Then, It was deployment time. we drove to the barracks and got out and said goodbye. Then I hugged her and went to say good bye to my momma. Then I did one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do. I walked away from my life. I looked back once. I teared up. But I didn't go back and try to make it all easier. Its one of the few times in my life I really just wanted to cry, just a balled up on the floor tear fountain. I'm very proud of the fact that I didn't go back, and not in that whole masculine "I'm a hero I don't feel pain" thing but on a personal level. I know that going back would have ruined the nice clean sever we had accomplished. If I'dve gone back there would have been tears and Jenna and my Momma and even I would have it 50 times harder to get through it. But since I didn't go back, and they didn't wait to see me off, we occupied ourselves before the grief could set in.

Now I sit here in the middle of the land that god forgot writing this and thinking about the 6 or 7 months I left here wondering if time always moved this slow or if its just because I cant wait to start living again. I think that 6 months is a very long time, possibly ten times longer than that year I had to get My mynaplant rooted. So, yes a month can be far more than a year, I'm sure of it, especially when you are anticipating repotting your myna into your pot.

Anyways, this Little gardener is off to tend his field, shes 5 miles from talking to me.

Grump

Grump Grump Grump!

Jenna's a grump.

Thats it. Thats all I wanted to say. Shes a grump and I have to squease it out of her when I get back.

Jenna's moving to Texas cause Wyoming's not far enough away from me.

Well actually on a serious note the Myna and I have had a pretty bad bout of not really arguments but just uncomfy subjects. In the end it changed our relationship rather drastically and we act alot differently. I'm not sure how this is going to pan out but its probably a step forward. Now let me clarify, when I say arguments with Jenna I really don't mean yelling at each other and saying heated comments. They are more like debates where we acknowledge each other's points and come to a very logical and progressive outcome. They aren't heated and if they do then we cast them off till later because our minds shut down when we get heated. So yes, we fight alot but they aren't really fights.

She grumbled that I wasn't posting so heres one.
umm... They made me wear specific eyepro now so I have to put away my halfjackets and pick up the old army issue M frames again. I hate those things so much cause they fog up too often due to lack of airflow.

Anyways Im off to save the world one cheeto at a time. (theres a Cheeto infestation planned but Im on to them)

MAUW MIX

Well.... I had a whole bunch of stuff to write about till I opened the window now I have no idea what I'm going to say.

So, Jenna's in Denver goofing off with her old friends and going shopping so I get the rare chance to actually talk to her. See, on the ranch, her cell phone doesn't get any service and shes never at the house so calling her is pretty pointless. But in Denver, her cell phone gets perfect signal so Ive been talking to her all day when I can. I talked her battery dead the other day and Ill do it again today if I can. Unless she forgot her charger which shes notorious for.

I started my Notta momma book last night. Its good but its a little girly. I think ill like it though.

On a side note, someone who loves me very much sent me zingers and Ive been munching them as quick as Ill allow myself to cause I have a limited supply of them. I'm down to two. Its a bad situation. Its almost like starving only you aren't dieing and you don't get cramps. Okay so its nothing like starving other than its lack of food, though if you talk to Myna they aren't food at all they are crap food, but I loves my crap food.

I hate arguments cause nothing I ever say comes out right and I just wind up hurting my cause. I can almost see my cause laying on the floor getting flogged from both sides. Not that Im having an argument right now. In fact the nofight streak is extending itself another day. so far its been 4. Heres hoping it lasts. Wow I made it sound like we fight all the time. well we kinda have alot of arguments while I'm here in Iraq but they aren't huge ones and we usually wind up happy at the end of them. but Im sure they will start to lull when I get my ability to make faces at her again. She cant resist them. Shes a sucker for the mina faces. Oh and for the grump squease. She tries to deny it sometimes but I know her way too well for her to grow used to my faces, I change them enough.

Now I got a Baby chichen puppet in the mail from my momma and have been chasing people around the bay yelling CHICHEN! CHICHEN! CHICHEN! They think Im crazy but I know that its a sign Im still sane. Or maybe I never was sane. Who knows? In my world Im sane and thats all that really matters, Jennas loopy as hell though. Its the high estrogen level that causes it. I see the evidence in every girl.

Anyways none of these were on the list of what I wanted to talk about today so... Im not going to write about the other stuff.

Hello Spark

Hello everyone, Meet Spark. well this one isn't really Spark but shes almost just like this one sept she doesn't have the chrome grille. Spark is a one of a kind Girl Jeep liberty that is mine (thats why its one of a kind). Shes a 4x4 Sport version so her grille is actually red crystal pearl or something like that. I really want to drive her but shes in the states so I have to wait. But while I wait I am planning all the stuff I'm going to go do with her.

Shes an SUV so she can carry me, my girlfriend and all our camping stuff up to the hiking trails and mountain peak trails. Thats gonna be fun, plus its exercise! I might get some summer tires rather than all terrains cause of all the rain in Washington. The summer tires just grip a whole bunch better in rain, something Ive learned from all the car magazines Ive read in my pursuit for finding a car I like that I can afford. I dunno, theres other stuff but I don't remember what it is.

Jenna and I have been having a nice little not fighting spell, I hope it lasts for a while. We've started this thing where we both read the same books then we talk to each other about them. I'm supposed to get my first book sometime this week. Its about some girls who's searching for a meaningful relationship without kids. I call it the Notta Mommie book.

Umm... what else? not much.
Night all
:D

And The World Comes Back Into Focus

Rule number 1: never post when you are overly emotional or overly tired. You are never thinking straight and have likely not had the time to think through your problems.

Well that rule was broken last night but im not so sure it was bad that I did. It helped me think through what was actually bothering me. The truth of the matter is that is had nothing to do with Jenna, nor my relationship with her. I was pretty tore up last night, irritated with the missions I have to do and irritated with an argument I had that sparked the frustrations i have with my leadership, not that its her fault for the argument. Lately we've been moving with a pretty hardcore pace with very little to show for it. not that we aren't doing our job, its just that theres nothing going on in our sector atm, not that our leadership sees it that way.

Theres been very little drive in my life right now, my mission atm is to bring myself and my battle buddy home safe. after that I care not for what I do over here. My leaders have taken one too many risks with my life and that of my battle buddy and the army has saw fit to place the most mechanical people over us. I used to care about what we were doing here. I dont much anymore. I look for the signs of threat but beyond that Iraw really has to step up and get a desire to defend themselves against the foreign powers that are blowing the shit out of their country, and no Im not referring to the US as terrorists. I'm meaning the Arabic people from surrounding nations that are either spearheading the terror cells or financing them. Until I'm convinced they want to turn it around then I'm looking after myself and my own. Ill follow my orders to a T but Ill do it on my terms.

I just got finished reading the new Eclectic Horseman. As I read it I felt the fire spread inside me. It put everything back into perspective, showed me everything I loved about my life and the life I have ahead of me with Jenna and Quickdraw. It surprises me that I strayed so far from who I truly am. I can see again and I want my rope. and those nifty little metal stirrups from Hoolihan Horse Gear.

Till next time, Keep your heels down, your grip tight, and free hand reaching for the stars, but most of all keep your eye on the rosette.

Mauw Chichen!

Post of Questions with no answer

Do you ever feel like sometimes you arent going to make it? no matter how much conviction you had the day before you just wonder?

I feel like that right now. I love her and I know she loves me but I just feel so disconnected. Like I could tell her my lungs are turning green and im sprouting yellow tulips out of my nose and all shed say is "Tulips are nice."

Is there really a limit on us? Could it be this low? Am I just being an idiot? I try and try not to get into arguments but they come. It seems like they've been coming more often as of late and I know Ive been more touchy. I cant really help it though. I'm almost afraid to not argue my point cause the last thing this relationship needs is resentment. But if it truely was working right would there really be any resentment if I didn't argue? Is it a trust issue? Do I not trust her to have my best interest in her plans as well as her own? Does she even consider me in her plans or just her plans themselves?

Am I where the blame lies? Has my lack of control here in Iraq led to me needing more control in the relationship? Have I let all the people in my life instill doubt and ruin the foundation I've worked so hard to build? Am I just being pessimistic or blowing this all out of proportion?

Big problems have a way of finding me but its always the small ones that set me back. A big problem usually has an easy answer, it may not be a very appealing answer but its at least easy to identify. These small things add up and dont always have the same source or answer. Sometimes they are just phantoms and are only there in my mind.

Take an egg beater to my brain and you'll see physically whats there mentally.
Goodnight

When bad plans take a turn for the extraordinary

This is where I was this morning. Yup! walking along the Tigris looking around. It was a mission I was really loathe to go on but turned out to be one of the best Ive been on as far as aesthetics. Believe me this picture does no justice to the real sunrise at the time. It was fun and we spent all day wandering around Iraq talking to people and taking pictures. If it weren't for my weapon and gear it'd have been like any day hike in the Florida wilderness.

Anyways, Just an update for the myna cause shes off playing with horses.