Rule number 1: never post when you are overly emotional or overly tired. You are never thinking straight and have likely not had the time to think through your problems.
Well that rule was broken last night but im not so sure it was bad that I did. It helped me think through what was actually bothering me. The truth of the matter is that is had nothing to do with Jenna, nor my relationship with her. I was pretty tore up last night, irritated with the missions I have to do and irritated with an argument I had that sparked the frustrations i have with my leadership, not that its her fault for the argument. Lately we've been moving with a pretty hardcore pace with very little to show for it. not that we aren't doing our job, its just that theres nothing going on in our sector atm, not that our leadership sees it that way.
Theres been very little drive in my life right now, my mission atm is to bring myself and my battle buddy home safe. after that I care not for what I do over here. My leaders have taken one too many risks with my life and that of my battle buddy and the army has saw fit to place the most mechanical people over us. I used to care about what we were doing here. I dont much anymore. I look for the signs of threat but beyond that Iraw really has to step up and get a desire to defend themselves against the foreign powers that are blowing the shit out of their country, and no Im not referring to the US as terrorists. I'm meaning the Arabic people from surrounding nations that are either spearheading the terror cells or financing them. Until I'm convinced they want to turn it around then I'm looking after myself and my own. Ill follow my orders to a T but Ill do it on my terms.
I just got finished reading the new Eclectic Horseman. As I read it I felt the fire spread inside me. It put everything back into perspective, showed me everything I loved about my life and the life I have ahead of me with Jenna and Quickdraw. It surprises me that I strayed so far from who I truly am. I can see again and I want my rope. and those nifty little metal stirrups from Hoolihan Horse Gear.
Till next time, Keep your heels down, your grip tight, and free hand reaching for the stars, but most of all keep your eye on the rosette.
Mauw Chichen!
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2 comments:
I think you never stray from who you are, you are just a really complex and diverse person.One of the many things I love about you. You aren't all surface. Buttheads are like ONIONS! (ha ha hope you catch that reference)
I was looking at your's and Eric's blogs and the picture you both have of when you first joined and your Mom had you guys take a picture together. You both look so young, especially Eric. Now I look at your pictures and I see someone else. Someone who loves me and is committed, and has seen a lot of the scary in the world. Eric has a different look as well, but I don't know him well enough to comment. I think he likes it that way.
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